true hope is swift and it flies with swallow's wings...

my contribution to the fourth of july barbeque:

100_1009

100_1010

i totally made a lattice crust apple pie. it's cooling off in front of my kitchen window in a charming "leave it to beaver" sort of way...wafting the scent of apples and brown sugar through the apartment.

it was short...could be a good thing, could be a bad thing.

they knew that i was on my lunch break so maybe they were keeping it short out of consideration - or - they also know that i'm crazy qualified, so maybe they just wanted to meet me to verify that i wasn't a total schlub.

i felt slightly intimidated by their aloofness. i was trying to be completely professional yet pleasant and energetic (because that's what the staffing lady told me they were looking for) and the president of the company was in shorts, leaning back in his chair. he looked like mr.clean with facial hair. the manager that was there seemed a little hyped up on coffee - fine during the work day, but unnerving during an interview.

the manager said that she would be contacting my references so i guess that's a good thing. i don't really feel like it was a long enough interview for me to get out all of the great comments and personal achievements that i had spent so much time preparing. they didn't really have any questions for me other than what do i do all day and what have i done elsewhere. literally, the interview didn't take more than 20 minutes.

the length of the interview is totally taking me off my game...i don't feel confident in it, however, they did tell the staffing lady that it would definitely be under an hour, so i suppose i knew it was going to be short from the get go...i don't know. ugh.

just gimme the damn job.

ok. in my attempt to be more social and make friends, i registered on this website called meetup.com. you join groups in the area of people who have similar interests and the organizer sets up get-togethers.

so i've joined two so far - one that's a women's social group for 25-35 year olds, and another that's a mind, body, spirit group that gets together and does yoga and whatnot.

they have just about every type of bizarre interest group available - people who are into dungeons and dragons, hula hooping, pick up soccer, there's a walking group that gets together for walks and a restaurant group that goes out and tries new restaurants (which i was tempted to join until i noticed that everyone in the group was, like, my parent's age).

so the women's social group is meeting on sunday at beans & barley on the eastside for coffee and brunch. i rsvp'd yes.

i don't know why i get myself into these things...sounds like a great idea at first, but i'm afraid it's going to be really uncomfortable and lame when i get there. i'm fairly certain the conversation will die at some point and it'll become awkward. i hate awkward. i'm really making an effort to put myself out there because i'm tired of not having any (or really just 1) good girlfriend(s), but this is really exhausting.

on a side note - i'm having dinner with liz tonight. this'll be the second time we've gotten together. she's cool and we get along well. she's the girlfriend of a guy that matt is in a band with in case you missed her introduction into the blog a few weeks back.

good morning my voxy neighbors.

i'm posting to tell you that i have an extremely promising job interview tomorrow at 11. a woman from a staffing agency called me about it and while i'm pretty over-qualified for it, the opportunities for advancement are there...big time. the salary is $2,500 less than my actual salary, but $4,000 more than what i'm making now that we have that awesome 20% pay cut until labor day.

i'd be an account manager and csr.

reasons why i'm going to the interview and why i'm going to take the job if offered (which i strongly believe it will be):

* the company is three times the size as the one i'm at now which leads me to believe that there is good job security.

* it was rated #13 in the country for being the best promotional products distributor to work for as voted on by their employees.

* i'll get paid pretty decently to do a relatively simple job.

* i'll get out of my current hell hole of a job.

* i don't actually think that my salary will go back to normal after labor day.

* i don't really think my current company will be around by the end of the year...if the company is, i don't necessarily think my job will be.

* it's closer to my house.

* i'll be working with someone i know from a previous job.

* i won't be miserable every day when i go to work, especially knowing that i'm getting paid respectively for what i'm doing. i'll take a pay cut, if my job duties decline as well. that makes sense to me.

reasons why i wouldn't take the job:

* there is a slight chance that my salary would return to normal.

* not really a reason why i wouldn't take the job, but a reason why it'll be hard to quit my current job: my immediate boss is not the problem, but he'll bear the brunt of me leaving and he'll be the one to suffer most. i dread resignation day...(i know i'm getting ahead of myself, but i'm seriously a shoe in for this position).

i like to make these types of lists. i'm a visual person, and clearly, taking the interview and the job would be the best decision. my horoscope yesterday said that there will be an offer coming along and a decision i make regarding this could actively effect my life, but taking the risk may be the best decision i ever make. there you have it.

What is the most valuable lesson your father taught you? Bonus points if you show us your dad.

how to drive a car

how to tie my shoes

how to ride a bike

how to tell time

how to take care of my car and not sound like an idiot when i take it in for repairs.

odd.

i had a dream last night about tornadoes...like a bunch of them. this definition is so oddly accurate:

"To see several tornadoes in your dream, represent people around you who are prone to violent outbursts and shifting mood swings. It may also symbolize a volatile situation or relationship."

no one's prone to violent outbursts or a volatile relationship. but matt's been having emotional difficulties lately, or more accurately, he's told me about the depression he's had. we had a long, upsetting talk about it friday night. he's decided to see someone about it. it was kind of a big decision for him. he always refused seeing a doctor because he didn't want to be a "medicated zombie," but it's gotten to a point where he's tired of being sad and he doesn't think it's fair to me.

i never really knew it was as bad as it was. he never really talked to me about it until friday night. i didn't really push the issue to get further explanation, but he said that i saved his life...that he doesn't know what would have happened to him had we not re-connected (i assume his depression was at a tragic and hopeless level. i knew he drank a lot then and didn't have respect for himself or really anyone else but i guess i didn't understand the severity). he feels that he doesn't necessarily show me the gratitude that he should for this, and that because i've dated losers in the past, i've lowered my standards and that he's just been meeting those standards instead of exceeding them and that i deserve someone who exceeds them. every once and a while he'd say something about being sad, but i would always tell him that he wasn't and that he was just used to thinking that he was sad and listening to leonard cohen and morissey wasn't helping. i made it into a joke. he never sounded serious until friday and he laid next to me in bed just sobbing...telling me about it. i felt like a total asshole. 

i had no intention of posting about this seeing as though it nearly crosses a personal boundary in posting about someone who has no say in what i post, but in addition to it being something that's been weighing heavily on me the last few days, i also couldn't ignore the meaning of this dream and the direct correlation it had to my life. 

it was one of those mornings where i could've driven forever - it's 75 degrees and sunny, the breeze was slightly cool because the humidity is really high and it's supposed to be really hot today. i was on my way to work with the windows wide open, soaking in the breeze...and i just felt like i needed to take a detour, not go to work, and drive along the lakefront all morning breathing in the cool lake air. i was dying to. then i returned to reality and pulled into the office parking lot.

maybe another day.

had my second session of yoga teacher training this weekend...had my first quiz (i think i aced it!) and i had my first practical evaluation where we pick a pose out of a hat and teach it to our class, it was my first time teaching a group (i was surprisingly proud that i did so well!). it was a good weekend, saturday was a lot of lecture on the skeletal and muscular systems as well as some discussion on the "Yoga Sutras of Patanjali" which is like the Bible of yoga next to "Light on Yoga" by B.K.S. Iyengar. i found the Yoga Sutras particularly awesome...very philosophical.

yesterday was a little tough...it was definitely a physical day and i'm feeling it this morning. a lot of practice teaching in pairs and we learned a lot about adjustments and modifications for students who are not in the pose properly or who have physical limitations that prevent them from being able to do a pose properly. i learned that i am slightly pigeon-toed. i knew that my right foot turned in just slightly when i walked, but i can't do triangle pose with proper alignment because i have that slight inward rotation to my leg. i've apparently been doing it incorrectly for the last few years.

there are only eight of us in training...there are two ladies that i can't seem to understand why they're in training to begin with.

lady one: tracy. tracy is a psychologist for people who have been convicted of sexual assault among other horrible things. she's in teacher training because she feels that yoga can be beneficial for this group of people, which it can be. but....here's the but...this weekend she came in 20 minutes late to the session and disrupted all of us who were taking our quiz. she didn't complete all of the home study that was very clearly spelled out in both the program catalog and the home study review and she continues to huff and puff about not wanting to participate in the lessons during the session and she's frequently upset by the amount of home study we have.

lady two: mary. i don't know what she does for a living, if anything. she is in her mid-forties with the most ridiculous boob job i've ever seen. she wears pig tails (cute when you're 10, not when you're 45). she comes to the session in yoga clothes, like we all do, but with a ton of make up on and these obnoxious leopard design dangly earrings. she's regularly checking herself out in the mirror and excusing herself from lecture to take phone calls. she was completely astonished that i wanted to teach yoga for a living. she's the type who's taking teacher training so that she can tell her friends she's taking teacher training. i've never seen someone who appears to be in their own world as much as she does.

i was lucky enough to be in a group with both of these women on saturday when we were discussing the Yoga Sutras. we had to take a verse and translate it and teach it to the other groups. they basically told me that they would be fine with whatever i came up with. i forced them to sit and have a conversation with me about what they thought these verses meant. if i'm never in a group with these two women again, i'd be fine.

it's amazing to me the diverse group of people we have and how apparent it is that some want to be here more than others.

anyway - i had to send an e-mail to the non-profit lady this morning, letting her know that i'm not going to be able to help her as much as i had thought. here's a brief re-cap: back in march, i saw her card at the yoga journal conference and she was starting a non-profit group in milwaukee bringing yoga classes to organizations that could otherwise not afford it. i offered to help her with her marketing stuff she was too busy at the time as a professor at a few local colleges and wasn't able to give me any information on what she wanted on her marketing materials. fast forward to may - she sends me an e-mail letting me know that she's now ready to provide me with all the information i need to work on her marketing materials. i told her that i just started teacher training and that hopefully toward the middle of june after i've finished my home study for training that i would be able to work on this for her. it turns out that i wasn't able to get to it because my home study has to come first and now i just had my second session of training and i have a whole new stack of home study to do.

i sent her an e-mail this morning explaining to her that i just can't commit to this project right now and that i apologize if i've caused any delays or inconveniences, but i can't have her counting on me when i don't know if i'll be able to do it. it came down to when i was free, she was busy, and now that she's free, i'm busy. i feel like a jerk, but i guess it's better to be honest. i'm really pouring all my effort and time into this training because it's extremely important to me and this project has to take a back seat for me. i told her that i would be more than happy to offer any advice or input on anything that happens with this and to keep me posted because once i am certified, i'd love to be a part of the group and help teach. i feel like i completely backed out on her and let her down.

i guess i can take comfort in the fact that i was honest with her.

Tomato plants

these are my little tomato plants that i'm growing on the balcony. my parents both thought they'd be dead by now. i'm growing normal tomotoes and little yellow cherry tomatoes. squee!

the crazy girl from the social networking site sent me an e-mail. i don't like her.

she started out with the "hey girl!" thing (which i dispise) and thanked me for showing her around bay view (milwaukee neighborhood). she said something about getting together again.

matt said it was mean of me to not respond to her if i don't want to hang out with her again, but i explained that if i were dating her, i would, but seeing as though we were hanging out as friends...once...i don't necessarily think i owe her an explanation.

thoughts? opinions? i know it's kinda mean to ignore her, but what am i supposed to say to her? "i'm sorry, but i thought you were a man-hungry woman who lied about her age. i think it's weird that you live with your parents at 30+ years old and can't maintain a normal job. oh, and i also think you're a flake."

is ignoring her worse than lying to her?