it's kind of like spring cleaning.

November 20, 2009

Virgo (8/23-9/22)

You can relax now. It's all over: the spouting off, the shocking comments (that your friends are still talking about) and the emotional highs and lows. You've decided, after all that, you want to give yourself a treat. It started last night when you allowed yourself to have some fun. Let the good times and the relaxation continue straight through the weekend. And don't spoil it by feeling guilty, either.

that's so weird...

so last night i went out with amber...she just broke up with her boyfriend. i have personally seen about 5 lengthy relationships collapse in the last month. there must be something in the air...

anyway.

so we went to a bar - dean was at a concert at the eagles ballroom. he texted me saying that he and his friend wanted to meet us out after the show. i had no intention of meeting up with him. i wanted to make him wait until saturday. amber, andrea and i went to the irish pub - i couldn't lie to him and so told him we were there. part of me wanted him to meet up with us. we all ended up staying until bar close. and now i'm at work at 8:30 a.m. completely foggy and half awake. 

i'm far too tired right now to explain to you the conversation that we had. the dancing. the kisses. but there is no question that there is something there. he asked what my boundaries are, which i appreciate. it's been made clear to him what i need right now...time and a little space.

it's going to be a long day.

and amber, andrea, this girl sarah and i are all supposed to go dancing tonight. it was a good idea last night...

 What’s the first thing you do when you log on to your computer every day?

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now that i've jumped on the facebook bandwagon, in the morning i load up some music (lately: citizen cope or serena ryder) and check facebook because i can't access it at work.

then once i turn my work computer on, i go through my work e-mails, my personal e-mail and then see what's new on vox. 

totally original, huh?

on saturday afternoon, after locking myself out of my apartment, but before hearing from dean, i had indulged in some retail therapy on victorias secret. i decided that i don't splurge much on myself and that i needed a cute date outfit now that i'm single and whatnot, little did i know i'd be meeting up with dean that night and have a date this saturday...but anyway, it arrived today.

corduroy blazer (it's not actually this color though, it's a dark dusty purple/eggplant):

Blazer

and i also picked up some jeans, but i couldn't find a good picture of them, but trust me, they're cute. and just a sidenote: victorias secret jeans are awesome. totally worth the price tag.

so this is my date outfit for saturday night. i'll feel good in this - a little sexy, but still classy.

i heart victorias secret.

so last weekend's yoga teacher training was cancelled because the program director was sick and there was no one to fill in for her.

now that it's the holidays, no one can come up with a weekend that works. especially not at the last minute. so now we're talking about pushing it as far back as the middle of january to be done with this thing.

i sent an e-mail to the program director telling her that i have a potential teaching job that's kind of riding on having my certification by the time this new studio opens in january and if there was anything we can do.

i haven't heard back and there hasn't been a consensus, but i'm really aggravated. i know it's not her fault that she got sick, but i don't want this to go into january...especially because i can just see there being some huge snow storm and it getting pushed back yet again.

and i hate driving in snow.

i'm a new netflix user...and so far it's been pretty awesome. i have a small apartment mailbox and the mail person kind of jammed it in there, damaging the return envelope, but i taped it back up.

sunshine cleaning was my first dvd...liked the movie, although it was a lot heavier than i had anticipated.

nick and norah's infinite playlist should be on its way.

i spent like an hour loading up my queue and i'm totally psyched. i'm going to try not to look at the queue, or the e-mail they send when they ship so it's a surprise when the dvd makes it to my door.

it's the little things...

i've been going back and forth on this all day. i haven't had a chance to talk to amber or liz about it yet and get another girl's perspective. although amber and i are going out for margaritas tonight and will hopefully clear this up.

i promised myself after matt and i broke up that i wouldn't accept a boyfriend without his stuff together. that he'd have a good job, a car, an apartment, college education, etc.

dean just had back surgery a few months ago - so i'm actually not sure if he's working. we didn't talk about it on saturday night. i'm not sure if he has a car or not. i know he's living at his aunt's house with his mom and at least one of his brothers which, at 28 years old, is a little upsetting. he didn't finish school although he says he's going to now that he can't really work landscaping anymore after his back surgery.

with the exception of being undoubtedly sweet, a gentleman and totally into me, he doesn't have the "material" things that i'm looking for in someone. does that matter? it should, shouldn't it? do i ignore the ridiculous chemistry i have with him because his work and living situation might not be ideal?

i don't want to settle anymore.

then there's the issue with him not being so fabulous in bed - although he was drinking heavily and doing coke the last time we dated, which has all ended and that could be why he wasn't so good. and men are somewhat coachable - i just don't think i tried then.

and he snores - like, really bad. and i'm a light sleeper.

crap.  

What's the first exhibit you visit at the zoo?

the closest one to the entrance.

last night i went and volunteered with 88Nine Radio Milwaukee at the Toshi Reagon show at a local women's college. it was beyond amazing. she was moving in a way that i haven't seen.

this girl, sarah, who was working with me, works for the station and she's a dj at the station. she's also the girlfriend of matt's stepbrother, who was there too. she and i totally hit it off and we'll be getting coffee or drinks or something one of these days. i hadn't actually met her until yesterday.

so that wound down around 10:45 and i got home at 11. i put my pajamas on, poured a glass of wine and watched project runway on my dvr. at about 11:30, i got a phone call from dean (the hot ex) that he was at a bar with some friends and asked me to come down.

i knew it was trouble from the get-go.

so i got dressed and met up with him. he got glasses since i saw him last - they're dark rimmed. *sigh*. even cuter than he was before. i got there and after about 10 minutes, he whisked me away to a corner of the bar and we talked until bar close, that's always how we've been. like nothing that's going on around us matters. he still tells me that he didn't have a girlfriend the whole time we dated. i have never seen someone look so misunderstood. he said he's always been upset that i never listened to his side and that it ended the way it did.

what happened (4 years ago) was that my best friend at the time told me he had a girlfriend, she heard it from morgan, morgan heard it from dean's friend roger. dean says that roger just wanted to date me, so he said this to break us up. i believed what my best friend told me...and of course he was going to deny it. so i wrote him off. and that was the end of that.

i'm a little confused right now. i'm really thinking that was a terrible misunderstanding. i don't know.

so anyway, after bar close dean and i walked around the block...he's the type that just wants to take you away, just to be alone with you in the most innocent of ways and he's really spontaneous. keep in mind it's like 40 degrees outside. so we get to my car and he asked me if i wanted to go down by the lake (michigan). i agreed and we stopped at his house to get sweatshirts and gloves.

we drove to the lake and walked down to the shore. it was really windy, and really pretty cold. he never hesitated to give me his coat. he had a thermal on under a t-shirt in windy 40 degree weather. he was more concerned about whether i was cold. we ended up going back up the stairs a little to get out of the wind. we sat on the stairs and talked until about 3:30. he said all the right things. like how he'd wait a month, two months, six months, whatever it took until i was ready to be in a relationship. like how my hair smells good. like how he's always just been drawn to me and just wants to be around me. 

he kissed me. it was good and it was weird and it was a reminder and it was a bunch of things - one of which being too soon. he recognized that and apologized.

i don't know what's going on and i don't know how i feel about it. he wants to take me out next weekend and i told him that i'd like that. i'm drawn to him in a way too...i think what's making me hesitate is that in truth, we don't have much in common, but we have amazing conversation and we appreciate the vulnerabilities in one another and we're able to be completely open with eachother with no concern as to what the other person thinks. i hope i'm not making more of this because he inflated my ego at a time when i'm a little lonely. i guess we'll see though.

the text message i got from him when i got home: "just wanted you to know tonight was the most fun i've had in a long time, i'm really glad we got to spend some time together."

me: "me too. sleep good. see you next weekend :)"

him: "you too. goodnite, trouble maker."

the text message he sent me this morning: "hey, i don't know if you are as tired as i am, but last night was so much fun...i woke up still smiling."

me: ":) i'm on my second cup of coffee so i'm a less tired now. have a good day"

him: "lol...you got me beat. you too" 

yes - i have embraced the idea that the holidays are on their way. i always seem to be in denial that the summer is over.

so anyway.

i have a small family, which makes it great, and seeing as though i'm not dating anyone - i don't have to buy anything for his family either which will be a money saver this holiday season.

here's what i'm thinking so far:

cards for everyone (which i need to get started on, i have plenty of stuff lying around and can start anytime)

spice blends for everyone (i got some recipes from cooking light for a herbs de provence, garam masala and one other one that i can't remember)

homemade stuffed forest owl plushies for amber, liz and my brother's girlfriend, kristin (i want to personalize them in some way):

Owlplushie

soap and/or candles for the ladies at work, which i could probably start at any time. i have most of the stuff at home now.

i want to make a tote bag of sorts for my aunt and my mom and maybe for the owl plushie girls depending on how ambitious i am, but i wouldn't count on that.

so i'm just stuck on my dad and brother - it's hard to make an owl plushie for a man. i totally want to make something for them, just not sure what.

if anyone has a craft idea for a man - i'd love to hear it...something useful and not cheesy.

can i just bitch about something for a minute?

so i was really happy to find out that target carried my generic prescription and i could purchase it for $9 as oppose to $50 at walgreens.

so i went through the nonsense of transferring my prescription, etc. they couldn't fill it right away because it had to be special ordered so i had to come back today to pick it up.

turns out that it's still $50 because the generic that's on the list isn't the extended release version which is what i actually take.

damn.

still paying $50 per month. and now i have to make inconvenient trips to target to pick it up. and i'm too lazy to get it transferred back now. i have to get a prescription renewal next month, so i'll probably just bring it back to walgreens.

11 years ago i paid $25 for the brand name version. wtf? healthcare is such a crock.